The phone rings. I don't answer as usual, just let the machine get it. They hang up and I am reminded why I don't pick it up. I go back to my lego tower and the princess in peril. A helicopter swoops in and rescues her just in time. By looking at the joy in his face, you would assume she was in actual danger, not just threatened by a plastic dinosaur. He's the hero once again.
***
I know these roads like the back of my hand. I've been down them everyday for years now so 75 mph is nothing. The car hugs the road as I see every turn, every pothole seconds before it occurs. My little Civic masters the tight corners as I look down at the phone. I know she said not to turn it on, but I know something's wrong. Why can't I just call him and ask? I press the power button as hard as my finger lets me, the anticipation is killing me. I hate it. Just like I hate surprise birthday parties, or not knowing whats for dinner. Just tell me already.
***
I open the door to my mother sitting at the table with nothing in front of her. No newspaper, no food. This is serious, I must be in trouble or something. My mind searches for excuses to all the miss-behaviors I may have had in the last month or so. But I don't panic, I know I can talk my way out of anything. But that's the problem, what am I talking my way out of? I sit down hesitantly and wait for the accusal. When I look up, I notice her face is not angry. It's not disappointed. It's sad. Like she doesn't want to be having this conversation. What is happening right now?
***
I have called everyone in my contact list. Where is he? Why would he choose now to disappear off the face of the planet? I slam the phone on the seat in anger. I am still driving too fast, which seems like the worst possible thing to do in this situation, but I can't help it. My foot feels too heavy to let up on the gas. I am strangely calmed as the engine tacks higher and higher to match my heartbeat. If everything else is going as fast as my mind, I might feel sane again. Maybe for a second, until I lose myself again. My mind goes back and forth. One second I'm frantically searching for the one person who doesn't know. The one person who HAS to know, and doesn't. The next second I'm picturing the scene. My mother's words run through my mind over and over as I watch it happen. Both sanity and insanity.
***
I'm one of the only people here not wearing black. I don't think it's really appropriate I guess, or maybe my subconscious wont let me. I see him standing at the front of the room and make my way over. There are so many people, most of them don't know me. I finally have found him. He hugs me and I whisper, 'I love you so much' in his ear.
He squeezes tighter then slowly releases. Both of his hands hold my shoulders and he says 'I love you too.' He's looking straight in my eyes but I'm not strong enough to look back. I just turn and walk away.
Each of these vignettes works fine on its own and maybe I'm dull today but I don't quite see the story when they are all put together.
ReplyDeleteThere is you--as a little girl and as an adult--your mother, and two males. You race home to get the news your mother wouldn't let you get via phone from--from who? The two males are brother and father? Brother and boyfriend? Which one died?
With the best will in the world, there isn't quite enough here to allow me to work out a scenario.
Yeah, I guess I took being vague a little too seriously. Here's the story in a nutshell, I'm babysitting a little boy, by mom calls and says come straight home and don't turn the phone on. She tells me my friend has died, and nobody can find his cousin anywhere to tell him. I search for him with no luck, (meanwhile someone else does, that part I didn't include) then at the funeral I finally see him. Should I fix it? I think just a little more clarity on the first one. Reading it now, it does seem like I am a child. Maybe if I did that, it would connect better?
ReplyDeleteI don't ask for a rewrite on this one, no.
ReplyDelete