I feel as though a rubber band snapped inside me. It didn't hurt, it's just never happened before. It must be another weird thing my body is doing to me now. I don't open my eyes. Then my leg gets warm. In a second I realize, it's not only warm, but wet. I jump up as fast as my body will let me and run into the bathroom. I'm glad my mother helped me clean or I would never have made it without falling. I can't see a thing. I squint my blurry eyes at the bathroom clock. 6:15. I sit down on the toilet because it seems natural, but nothing happens. Maybe I was mistaken. I stand to return to the bedroom, it must have been a false alarm. Then it's like a flood on my bathroom floor. No warning, just water everywhere. I hop into the shower and stand there for a while. This is really happening. When the water finally goes cold, I get out and start packing. I don't wake him. He deserves a few more hours of peaceful sleep.
***
I am unexpectedly happy. I keep thinking, I can handle this. So far everything is perfect, and I have this overwhelming feeling that it will remain that way. My body is strong.
***
Shit, shit, shit. I can't handle this. Everything is wrong. Nothing is going as planned. And soon it will be over. I should be elated that it will be over, but I'm not. Can't I just hit the rewind button and go back to yesterday? It was like waiting for Christmas morning as a four year old. The wonderful feeling of anticipation. I want that feeling back.
***
I should be sleeping but I'm too hopped up. Ron sleeps next to me, he's never had a problem getting his 8 hours, not matter what's going on. I don't want to leave this place. Everything here is about us. People are ready to wait on us hand and foot, all I have to do is press the little button. I want to stay here forever.
***
I place him on the bed and feel like it's all over. Everything I have been waiting for is over. I lay next to him and close my eyes. When I wake up, he is crying for me and I realize, this is just the beginning.
Both my daughter and my daughter-in-law are looking forward to the same situation you describe--they are only a few weeks apart! One pregnancy was a complete surprise (but a welcome one), the other took years of medical treatments to bring off. Life is strange!
ReplyDeleteYou do a nice job with your linked vignettes here, pulling the reader right in, doing the in-your-face thing very effectively.
Well congratulations Grampy! I hope they are close by, you won't be able to get enough of them!
ReplyDeleteBoston and frippin San Diego CA, I'm afraid (as if Maine had a 'San Diego'). Don't you think as soon as they're out of diapers that the cousins should be spending all summer with their grandparents in Maine ? Of course you do!
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